Yesterday, Zoe Lance, our glorious, not at all terrifying showrunner, had a right go about the second story I have written for Series Six of The Sarah Jane Adventures (which, despite everything, is a flippin’ amazing sentence to say. Series Six of the Sarah Jane Adventures…)
As such, I was fairly sure that my first entry was safe. While I was being forced to write the later one again from scratch due to an inordinately long list of “constructive criticisms”, Zoe was distracted from any nagging inadequacies in the other one, which I had written first, and in far less of a hurry, on balance. However, within the last five minutes, she had contacted me to inform me that not only she, but also Dave, a fellow writer in the range, have decided that the opening moments of the prose are inadequate. “It’s not that it isn’t funny,” Dave assures me, “but it’s a bit out of character for-”
For who? Am I allowed to say which character is returning in Episodes Three and Four?
I will reveal that, yes, there is a returning character, a popular one, from the depths of Classic Doctor Who. That’s right; I can officially confirm that Sarah Jane Smith is coming back.
I’m too terrified to reveal anything more mind-blowing. There is a major returning character in it, whose name is revealed in the title, but I don’t know whether Zoe will let me reveal what the title is, or when she intends to let the various cats out of the various bags. So instead of telling you that the returnee, as I shall call him or her (it’s a he), I will detail each of the writers for the series so that you, too, will learn to love them and hate them in the same way that I do.
Zoe Lance is in charge. If there was any doubt of this, it is swiftly extinguished by her bellowing and punching which, given that we have never met or communicated in any way that is not exclusively over the internet, she manages to do quite spectacularly. It was her suggestion to do a Sarah Jane Adventures fan project, and she was very encouraging to begin with, although nowadays she mostly shouts “MOAR!”, which means that she wishes to hurry things along, or, occasionally, she might say, “we need to talk”, which basically means, “you’re in deep poo right now”. But it always turns all right in the end and I don’t think she hates me that much, which is a start. Also, there are apparently people in her house very often. Don’t ask. I have no idea what she’s talking about half the time anyway. And Laurel Lance deserved better, apparently, whoever that is. (And she is going to murder me for reminding her that Laurel Lance deserved better. It makes her very emotional).
David Nirved is an interesting fellow. He doesn’t seem to shout, although he does watch the Bake Off and Big Brother (which prompted him to complain about the rulebook inaccuracies of Bad Wolf), making him at least as weird as Zoe. He is, despite his own assertions, a very capable writer, although he also does strange things sometimes, such as abandoning us for a week of his own accord while creating many loopholes in his self-imposed rules in order to contact us. And he approves of Bill, the new Doctor Who companion, already, just from what we have seen, which at time of writing is still limited to Friend from the Future. I did say he was weird.
Next is Ryder Smith, who some may know as The Cyber Doctor (because he sacrificed his own humanity to join the Cyberiad). Being a Cyberman, he upgraded me recently and I had to pretend to be a Cyberman for the rest of the day. This might sound very fun, but it got very boring very quickly, but I had by Cyberface on by then so there was no turning back.
And then there’s Peter Darwin, the other person on the Series Six writing team. His story is super-amazing, and I think I know why: he’s been hanging around doing another fanfiction project under the watchful eye of Janine Rivers, who is a genius. She has also featured us on her fanfic site, so, er, I might be slightly biased towards her, but she was a genius before that, so maybe it rubbed off on Peter. He watches reality TV as well, so I can’t think of any other rational explanation.
And that’s everyone, until we get to the BL team- more on that in another Production Notes- and it’s amazing. Series One has guest writer James Oswald and he has written the best BLs ever. (To be fair, only he and I have ever written any BLs so far, but his are better than mine. They’re so good, in fact, that I’m not allowed to tell you that he’s on the Series Seven writing team.)
Oh, and there’s also me, The Trickster. Hello. I would tell you something about myself, but I’ve got to rewrite the start of Episode Three and then completely rewrite episodes eleven and twelve, as well as write the game-changing BL finale, so I’ll be off now. Cheerio!
Writer of The Wrath of Kaagh